Its been more than a month. I rarely come online nowadays, and even when I do, its only for brief moments. The same story. Work has been overwhelming. Everyone at office has been stretched to the limit. Long hours. It should be a good year.
BOD meets tomorrow. Wonder whats gonna happen.
Yet another new staff resigns. This one does it the day after he is told off for acting in a manner not befitting a person of his position. Playing truant never gets into my good books. Had sort of expected him to tender his resignation. But didnt expect him to just drop everything at his table and walk off. Sigh. Difficult to find decent responsible around. At least the last guy who left made sure all his work was completed before he left.
On the home front, the younger one was 1 year old last week. How time flies :) Theyre both so wonderful to be with. Both almost similar in character. I guess most kids are like that. Have their photos here at office. Comforting and soothing for tired eyes. Though busy with work, have been trying hard to make sure i spend lots of time at home with family. Its so relaxing at times.
Been out twice for breaking of fast with different sets of clients. Met up with a few bankers for tea earlier. So many young ones nowadays.
Its going to be double the usual madness next 2 days as we try to clear as much work as possible by Saturday. Most staff are off for almost the entire of next week. Am not planning to travel anywhere for the holidays. I guess part of the holidays would be spent at the office. Work has to be completed. Deadlines met. Keep reminding myself that lots of work, is better than no work. Keep reminding the staff that too.
Fantasy golf season is over. Made it into the top 1000. Out of 300,000 plus teams i guess. Not bad for a non-golfer. English premier league fantasy football has been on for a few months. Quiet still there. Still behind Pret, but ahead of sic, noh and the rest.
At times the mind does wonder and think of the past. The countless hours wasted on some. Should have been a rolling stone, and not gather any moss. Time and work have been wonderful in erasing most memories. There's still a bit of bitterness. There must always be that. A perfect deterrent. Wont waste my time in future.
All this long hours has practically stopped attempts to download music and build up a collection of songs from the pre-90 days. There just hasnt been much free time.
Time to get off. So much more to be done before i head home.
Thursday, November 20, 2003
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Its been way too long. And its the same old stories.
Work has been a killer. The load has increased to levels never before seen in my 15 years with this outfit. The staff have been working long hours for the past few weeks. One begins to start wondering if the dangling of a carrot with higher incentive payments will work beyond a certain threshold of workload. I pray it does.
Thankfully Eng Ho has been back from Australia for a short holiday and his timing has been perfect. We have been discussing with the computer vendors are waiting for final approvals for upgrading works. The challenge appears to be to complete the basic changeover while he is still here.
A new staff is due to start on Monday. Another guy comes in on Thursday. Pray that they both turn up. But till then, its madness. Two of the guys have been working today, and I guess all of us will also be working throughout Sunday.
Been preoccupied with work that its been many many days since chatted with anyone on YM or anywhere else. Did meet up with sf and madnoh over tea quite a few days back. She appears to be a nice lady.
As for golf, season is ending soon, and am still around the 400+ rankings. A top 200 finish is definitely out of the question. Football is time consuming. So many players, so many positions, so many injuries and suspensions to take note of.
On the bright side, finally managed to install the CD Writer back home. Burned my first CD..hurray. Get to play them at office now.
J continues to look for a job now. Looks like something may come up soon. Keeping fingers crossed. The kids are a joy to be with. D is as cute and mischevious as usual. K has begun to stand. Its a matter of weeks before she starts to walk..and run. As it is, she crawls very very fast now.
Its already 5pm. Time to clear up a bit of work, and head home. Will be coming in early sunday. So much to be done, so little time.
Work has been a killer. The load has increased to levels never before seen in my 15 years with this outfit. The staff have been working long hours for the past few weeks. One begins to start wondering if the dangling of a carrot with higher incentive payments will work beyond a certain threshold of workload. I pray it does.
Thankfully Eng Ho has been back from Australia for a short holiday and his timing has been perfect. We have been discussing with the computer vendors are waiting for final approvals for upgrading works. The challenge appears to be to complete the basic changeover while he is still here.
A new staff is due to start on Monday. Another guy comes in on Thursday. Pray that they both turn up. But till then, its madness. Two of the guys have been working today, and I guess all of us will also be working throughout Sunday.
Been preoccupied with work that its been many many days since chatted with anyone on YM or anywhere else. Did meet up with sf and madnoh over tea quite a few days back. She appears to be a nice lady.
As for golf, season is ending soon, and am still around the 400+ rankings. A top 200 finish is definitely out of the question. Football is time consuming. So many players, so many positions, so many injuries and suspensions to take note of.
On the bright side, finally managed to install the CD Writer back home. Burned my first CD..hurray. Get to play them at office now.
J continues to look for a job now. Looks like something may come up soon. Keeping fingers crossed. The kids are a joy to be with. D is as cute and mischevious as usual. K has begun to stand. Its a matter of weeks before she starts to walk..and run. As it is, she crawls very very fast now.
Its already 5pm. Time to clear up a bit of work, and head home. Will be coming in early sunday. So much to be done, so little time.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
A wet Wednesday its been. Thunderstorm and lightning is bad. Had a heavy breakfast at 10, so lunch can be skipped.
Man U whacked the greeks 5-0. Was supposed to wake up at 3am, but i guess was just too tired to notice the alarm clock go off.
Lots of setbacks of late. The guy from a rival firm who asked to join us, backed off one week before the date he was due to report in. Trying hard to get an alternative. Hope that works out. Work appears to have slowed down somewhat past 2 weeks. A welcome breather, but must make sure it doesnt slacken further.
Had been struggling (more like been too lazy) to work on this blog recently. To add in a guest book. Somehow or rather managed to set up a crude one up. Perhaps on evenings effort must be made to learn a bit on html and the various tools available to make this a better interactive environment. Would be nice to read comments from strangers bashing me up.
The fantasy football site is down. Perhaps its time to continue with work.
Man U whacked the greeks 5-0. Was supposed to wake up at 3am, but i guess was just too tired to notice the alarm clock go off.
Lots of setbacks of late. The guy from a rival firm who asked to join us, backed off one week before the date he was due to report in. Trying hard to get an alternative. Hope that works out. Work appears to have slowed down somewhat past 2 weeks. A welcome breather, but must make sure it doesnt slacken further.
Had been struggling (more like been too lazy) to work on this blog recently. To add in a guest book. Somehow or rather managed to set up a crude one up. Perhaps on evenings effort must be made to learn a bit on html and the various tools available to make this a better interactive environment. Would be nice to read comments from strangers bashing me up.
The fantasy football site is down. Perhaps its time to continue with work.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
What more can i say. Ever so often, what we see is not what we get. Definitely a good decision to move on in life. Exception of course would continue to be the golf and football fantasy games...lol. Aint gonna give em up.
Busy busy busy. Lots of work to be done. Planning to head to KL tomorrow afternoon. But seeing the pile on table, am not so sure at the moment. Will probably need to stay back late tonight to clear up work.
Elder daughter keeps asking to go see her uncle at KL. She's so cute. Ahh ... miss her lots when am at office. Younger one swims much faster now. Wonder when she will start to crawl and sit up and eventually stand/walk. Must let her take her time.
Time to continue with work.
Busy busy busy. Lots of work to be done. Planning to head to KL tomorrow afternoon. But seeing the pile on table, am not so sure at the moment. Will probably need to stay back late tonight to clear up work.
Elder daughter keeps asking to go see her uncle at KL. She's so cute. Ahh ... miss her lots when am at office. Younger one swims much faster now. Wonder when she will start to crawl and sit up and eventually stand/walk. Must let her take her time.
Time to continue with work.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Shortcomings of the state
You have a visit johor year, and thats the time you dig up almost the entire city centre to re-do the drainage, set up pedestrian walkways, get rid of much needed street parking, and cause massive inconveniences to the public as well as the business community. Even the Jalan Tan Hiok Nee walkway has yet to be completed after many many months of closure. Now, the State Exco member has the cheek to blame TNB for the delays of works at Jalan Meldrum. So much for proper planning before approvals are granted for development works. And so typical of pointing fingers when things go wrong. So typical of the Malaysian way of not knowing the meaning of accountability.
At one time, every other piece of state land, was privatised for one form of redevelopment. Naturally, the moment the approvals were granted, the companies were sold and quick profits realised. No prizes to guess who were the people to gain. It would indeed be enlightening to know the list of state lands that have been given such approvals, and the people behind these schemes.
We had the KPRJ semi govt. body supposedly in existence to provide infrastructural works such as roads and mosques in rural areas, which was fair enough. But then, this body was given state lands which they charge to the commercial banks. And the monies used for infrastructural works, which doesnt generate money to repay the loans. And theres no need to mention about the money spent lavishly to set up this organisation. Some people up there conveniently forgot the existence of JKR and the Johor Corporation (SEDC) to provide such development works.
Then we have the Johor Education Foundation (YPJ) which was also given vast tracts of lands for setting up of oil palm plantations etc. And they too couldnt resist the temptation of entering into property investments in the hotel business amongst others.
Johor Corporation made millions getting State land and developing industrial estates. Land cleared and provided with infrastructure such as roads, drains, water and electricity supplies. Naturally you would make money in the good years. But then, theyre amongst the biggest debtors in the country. Big numbers of companies within the group doing badly.
We had the unit trust issue a few years back. The head had the cheek to say the state's shares in big listed companies were to be given to these unit trusts for the sole purpose of inflating the unit trust prices. I guess, they again conveniently forgot that the unit trusts were owned by a small group of people, not the entire population the state.
Can we have an audit to reveal publicly the extent of help the government had given previously, and the failures of these bodies?
No one noticed that the number of non-Malays within the abovementioned state owned bodies is miniscule, perhaps 1%? or less? I digress perhaps, but then its a fact thats undeniable.
If its one major weakness in the entire governance system, its the refusal to accept the fact that the government is there to manage the assets of the country, the general public. Unfortunately, what we have is a system where those governing is more interested to enrich themselves and their friends/families.
Once, i commented to a civil servant on how the civil service seem to wantonly spend millions on functions, opening/closing ceremonies, speeches and functions at posh places; monies that belong to the public. Not surprisingly the response i got was, the civil servant strongly defended saying even the public sector was lavishly spending money for such purposes. Sad to say, it didnt cross the person's mind that the private sector spends money that it earns. It doesnt spend public money. It seems that citizens pay taxes so that civil servants can have a good time.
Instead of spending money to improve infrastructure and provide more facilities, for the past few months much money has gone into landscaping works all over the town. Carpet grass everywhere with flowering plants at every imaginable road junctions! Not to mention decorative lamp posts that supposedly cost RM20,000 each or thereabout! The only ones laughing to the bank would be the suppliers/contractors and most definitely those approving such works.
Water rates have gone up. Supposedly to finance infrastructural expenditure. Me thinks its more to fill up wallets. They couldnt even write the notice to subscribers in decent english.
Parking coupons in the state is divided into 2 zones. Northern and southern johor. Today the state says theyre looking into having one standard coupon and company managing the entire state. They couldnt standardize it now? Why not just leave the ticketing to the local authorities and let them make all the money.
The MPPJ signboard issue which was highlighted by The Sun papers recently was perhaps the tip of the iceberg. One wonders whats the situation in the other state local authorities.
Are we investor friendly? Hardly. We seem to have policies that go against national policies at times. Remember the FIC guidelines issue previously? The state required further payments for such approvals. Recently they even amended the state law and said the penalty for foreign purchases was RM100,000 i think, instead of the normal RM10,000 previously. Naturally when the issue was blown up by the papers, the state defended that it was a typographical error (yeah, i believe that...yeah rite)
If only things are done for the good of the State and country. And not for individual self interests or ulterior motives.
Its a nice place to stay. Its where i am born. Yes, its my home. I only wish they run it better.
Oh yes... Visit Johor! Its Visit Johor Year!
You have a visit johor year, and thats the time you dig up almost the entire city centre to re-do the drainage, set up pedestrian walkways, get rid of much needed street parking, and cause massive inconveniences to the public as well as the business community. Even the Jalan Tan Hiok Nee walkway has yet to be completed after many many months of closure. Now, the State Exco member has the cheek to blame TNB for the delays of works at Jalan Meldrum. So much for proper planning before approvals are granted for development works. And so typical of pointing fingers when things go wrong. So typical of the Malaysian way of not knowing the meaning of accountability.
At one time, every other piece of state land, was privatised for one form of redevelopment. Naturally, the moment the approvals were granted, the companies were sold and quick profits realised. No prizes to guess who were the people to gain. It would indeed be enlightening to know the list of state lands that have been given such approvals, and the people behind these schemes.
We had the KPRJ semi govt. body supposedly in existence to provide infrastructural works such as roads and mosques in rural areas, which was fair enough. But then, this body was given state lands which they charge to the commercial banks. And the monies used for infrastructural works, which doesnt generate money to repay the loans. And theres no need to mention about the money spent lavishly to set up this organisation. Some people up there conveniently forgot the existence of JKR and the Johor Corporation (SEDC) to provide such development works.
Then we have the Johor Education Foundation (YPJ) which was also given vast tracts of lands for setting up of oil palm plantations etc. And they too couldnt resist the temptation of entering into property investments in the hotel business amongst others.
Johor Corporation made millions getting State land and developing industrial estates. Land cleared and provided with infrastructure such as roads, drains, water and electricity supplies. Naturally you would make money in the good years. But then, theyre amongst the biggest debtors in the country. Big numbers of companies within the group doing badly.
We had the unit trust issue a few years back. The head had the cheek to say the state's shares in big listed companies were to be given to these unit trusts for the sole purpose of inflating the unit trust prices. I guess, they again conveniently forgot that the unit trusts were owned by a small group of people, not the entire population the state.
Can we have an audit to reveal publicly the extent of help the government had given previously, and the failures of these bodies?
No one noticed that the number of non-Malays within the abovementioned state owned bodies is miniscule, perhaps 1%? or less? I digress perhaps, but then its a fact thats undeniable.
If its one major weakness in the entire governance system, its the refusal to accept the fact that the government is there to manage the assets of the country, the general public. Unfortunately, what we have is a system where those governing is more interested to enrich themselves and their friends/families.
Once, i commented to a civil servant on how the civil service seem to wantonly spend millions on functions, opening/closing ceremonies, speeches and functions at posh places; monies that belong to the public. Not surprisingly the response i got was, the civil servant strongly defended saying even the public sector was lavishly spending money for such purposes. Sad to say, it didnt cross the person's mind that the private sector spends money that it earns. It doesnt spend public money. It seems that citizens pay taxes so that civil servants can have a good time.
Instead of spending money to improve infrastructure and provide more facilities, for the past few months much money has gone into landscaping works all over the town. Carpet grass everywhere with flowering plants at every imaginable road junctions! Not to mention decorative lamp posts that supposedly cost RM20,000 each or thereabout! The only ones laughing to the bank would be the suppliers/contractors and most definitely those approving such works.
Water rates have gone up. Supposedly to finance infrastructural expenditure. Me thinks its more to fill up wallets. They couldnt even write the notice to subscribers in decent english.
Parking coupons in the state is divided into 2 zones. Northern and southern johor. Today the state says theyre looking into having one standard coupon and company managing the entire state. They couldnt standardize it now? Why not just leave the ticketing to the local authorities and let them make all the money.
The MPPJ signboard issue which was highlighted by The Sun papers recently was perhaps the tip of the iceberg. One wonders whats the situation in the other state local authorities.
Are we investor friendly? Hardly. We seem to have policies that go against national policies at times. Remember the FIC guidelines issue previously? The state required further payments for such approvals. Recently they even amended the state law and said the penalty for foreign purchases was RM100,000 i think, instead of the normal RM10,000 previously. Naturally when the issue was blown up by the papers, the state defended that it was a typographical error (yeah, i believe that...yeah rite)
If only things are done for the good of the State and country. And not for individual self interests or ulterior motives.
Its a nice place to stay. Its where i am born. Yes, its my home. I only wish they run it better.
Oh yes... Visit Johor! Its Visit Johor Year!
Work has indeed been overwhelming over the past weeks. Theres not much free time to write. Whatever time online is mainly to reply emails as well as maintain the yahoo fantasy football and golf teams.
Was at KL for the Merdeka weekend with the family. It was a pleasant trip, except for the Man U loss to Southampton on Sunday night. Sigh. Was at a wedding at KDU, and later drove up to Bangsar to watch the second half of the game. Found a quiet pub that was surprising only had one other customer. Perfect to watch a game over a couple of beers. Damn team lost.
Highlight of the trip? I guess it was meeting up an old buddy and having dinner at the Jalan Imbi hawker site on Tuesday night. It was good to catch up with him. We used to meet up for lunches ever so often whilst at JB. On hindsight, wish we didnt go overboard with the amount of food we ate.
Should be up at KL this weekend again, for another two wedding functions.
Its been 2 months plus now since i stopped chatting in the chat rooms. Am glad i did it. Too many disappointments. Too many false pretences, facades. Am no saint either. I know of my shortcomings. Am surprised though there seem to be some attempts to log into my yahoo account, causing yahoo to suspend my account a couple of times over the past month. Why cant they just leave me alone. Had never been interested in being in a popularity contest. Perhaps i've stepped onto too many toes over the years. Well, am blunt, and try to be as frank as possible. And if it so happens someone do hack into the account, even better. Will just delete the account, ID and email. Entire history of its existence will be wiped out.
Doing fairly well in fantasy football, though the KL trip caused me to lose valuable points in golf. The effect of not switching players was dropping down in the rankings to 313 now. Damn. Did very well last weekend. Could have broke into the top 100 perhaps if not for that earlier screwup.
The annual dinner is coming up in a months time. And of all persons, am to be the MC. Much work and preparation there. Sigh.
Was at KL for the Merdeka weekend with the family. It was a pleasant trip, except for the Man U loss to Southampton on Sunday night. Sigh. Was at a wedding at KDU, and later drove up to Bangsar to watch the second half of the game. Found a quiet pub that was surprising only had one other customer. Perfect to watch a game over a couple of beers. Damn team lost.
Highlight of the trip? I guess it was meeting up an old buddy and having dinner at the Jalan Imbi hawker site on Tuesday night. It was good to catch up with him. We used to meet up for lunches ever so often whilst at JB. On hindsight, wish we didnt go overboard with the amount of food we ate.
Should be up at KL this weekend again, for another two wedding functions.
Its been 2 months plus now since i stopped chatting in the chat rooms. Am glad i did it. Too many disappointments. Too many false pretences, facades. Am no saint either. I know of my shortcomings. Am surprised though there seem to be some attempts to log into my yahoo account, causing yahoo to suspend my account a couple of times over the past month. Why cant they just leave me alone. Had never been interested in being in a popularity contest. Perhaps i've stepped onto too many toes over the years. Well, am blunt, and try to be as frank as possible. And if it so happens someone do hack into the account, even better. Will just delete the account, ID and email. Entire history of its existence will be wiped out.
Doing fairly well in fantasy football, though the KL trip caused me to lose valuable points in golf. The effect of not switching players was dropping down in the rankings to 313 now. Damn. Did very well last weekend. Could have broke into the top 100 perhaps if not for that earlier screwup.
The annual dinner is coming up in a months time. And of all persons, am to be the MC. Much work and preparation there. Sigh.
Friday, August 15, 2003
Now, don’t just walk away
Pretending everything’s ok
And you don’t care about me
And I know there’s just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?
You took all there was to take,
And left with an empty plate
And you don’t care about it, yeah.
And I, I’ve given up this game
I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,
Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?
Do you really have everything you want?
You could never give something you ain't got
You can’t run away from yourself
Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you`re happy now, oohh oohhh
come on tell it to my face or have i been erased,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?
Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I’ve had that all I can take
And I’m about to break
Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?
I keep looking too much into song lyrics. Sigh. Michelle Branch's Are you happy now, is haunting me now.
Pretending everything’s ok
And you don’t care about me
And I know there’s just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?
You took all there was to take,
And left with an empty plate
And you don’t care about it, yeah.
And I, I’ve given up this game
I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,
Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?
Do you really have everything you want?
You could never give something you ain't got
You can’t run away from yourself
Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you`re happy now, oohh oohhh
come on tell it to my face or have i been erased,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?
Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I’ve had that all I can take
And I’m about to break
Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?
I keep looking too much into song lyrics. Sigh. Michelle Branch's Are you happy now, is haunting me now.
The past few days has been difficult. There has been too many problems surfacing. Too many idiots bungling. Too many issues needing attention. And work has been overwhelming. Had been looking at the latter from the positive angle for weeks now, till a few days back when the junior staff dumped his resignation letter on my table when i wasnt around. Supposedly leaving on the basis of a RM300 increment, that was something which could have easily been met with our productivity incentive had he worked more efficiently. Have had to do site inspection work past 2 days, which am used to. But its a headache to allocate time to do the paperwork. The adverts for job vacancy will come out early next week. One lady had already came today for an interview. She had some experience, but told her honestly i would rather see the response to our advert. We need a wider pool of candidates to chose from. Its time to stop being nice to new staff cos its rarely appreciated. At the end of the day, we just end up being a training ground for others to pinch.
EPL starts on saturday. The fantasy league is very difficult this year. Prices are high, thus choices are a major headache. Not an easy feat to buy 11 players at 100 million dollars. The guys from last season have got together again in a private league. A welcome distraction this will be for the next 8 months.
Have confirmed KL trip end of this month. A 5 or 6 day trip. The family would love it. And i need the distraction and rest. The back is still sore. Have been procastinating and not seen a doctor about it. As a result, have laid off squash now for almost a month. Have started carrying light weights again. Perhaps that has been a bad idea. Must see a doc!
Its almost 1am. Not started on office work yet. Sigh.
EPL starts on saturday. The fantasy league is very difficult this year. Prices are high, thus choices are a major headache. Not an easy feat to buy 11 players at 100 million dollars. The guys from last season have got together again in a private league. A welcome distraction this will be for the next 8 months.
Have confirmed KL trip end of this month. A 5 or 6 day trip. The family would love it. And i need the distraction and rest. The back is still sore. Have been procastinating and not seen a doctor about it. As a result, have laid off squash now for almost a month. Have started carrying light weights again. Perhaps that has been a bad idea. Must see a doc!
Its almost 1am. Not started on office work yet. Sigh.
Sunday, August 10, 2003
The frequency has indeed dropped. Its not for lack of interest to write. I want to. But the tendency to think of the past is still there.
Why, one could ask, would i bother to put in so much effort to keep a friendship going, and regardless of how many times its broken, i keep going back trying hard to keep it alive, and then just turn around..and finally say am going off, and meaning it. Am one notorious to simply walk away from people for the simplest of reasons. Its after all the chat world. And yet, there are occasions i've done the exact opposite. Well this time, i've finally realised, am confronted with a stranger. Someone i know not. For so many months early this year i was in the dumps. Had been mentally worn out. Felt so bad, that i thought i had let down a friend in need. That i had walked away, when i shouldnt have. Upon reflection of late, i realise, my folly. In the final instance, thats always the right thing to do, to be fair to all parties. Its something not done impulsively. Had thought about it for days. Enough said. Enough said, i keep telling myself. Its been more than a month since i entered KL1, and i can safely say i dont miss it. I have not been tempted to enter and chat there. I still keep in touch with the few who still bother to message or email me.
Past few days were quite worrying. The little one was down with a fever for 3 days, despite medication and tests done. Thankfully she is well now. It was the first time she had ever got sick, i think.
Hurray..the EPL football yahoo fantasy site is up and running and we have a few days to name the teams. An added welcome to distract and torture the mind. But with the increased workload at office, and long working hours, its gonna be toughm, very tough.
Saturday was an interesting morning. Was introduced to the world of digital mapping. Its something we will be seriously considering adopting. Coming back to office after lunch was perhaps a wrong move. To see an envelope with my name on it. The most junior executive we have had tendered his resignation.
While it can be fairly stated that he has not been impressive, but after many months of training and giving the opportunity to learn, its frustratingly annoying to see such an impersonal act. So very polite when requesting for a job, and so bloody rude in resigning in that manner. Supposedly he has been offerred a higher salary by a competitor. (God save them from his mistakes). No mention of the one month notice. Good riddance. Come monday he will surely get an earfull from me. No, we wont be counter offering. No, none of that nonsense. But we're in a predicament. We need to advertise for staff surely. The quotes from the computer vendor has yet to arrive. So much to be done in the next few weeks. And so very short handed at office.
Why, one could ask, would i bother to put in so much effort to keep a friendship going, and regardless of how many times its broken, i keep going back trying hard to keep it alive, and then just turn around..and finally say am going off, and meaning it. Am one notorious to simply walk away from people for the simplest of reasons. Its after all the chat world. And yet, there are occasions i've done the exact opposite. Well this time, i've finally realised, am confronted with a stranger. Someone i know not. For so many months early this year i was in the dumps. Had been mentally worn out. Felt so bad, that i thought i had let down a friend in need. That i had walked away, when i shouldnt have. Upon reflection of late, i realise, my folly. In the final instance, thats always the right thing to do, to be fair to all parties. Its something not done impulsively. Had thought about it for days. Enough said. Enough said, i keep telling myself. Its been more than a month since i entered KL1, and i can safely say i dont miss it. I have not been tempted to enter and chat there. I still keep in touch with the few who still bother to message or email me.
Past few days were quite worrying. The little one was down with a fever for 3 days, despite medication and tests done. Thankfully she is well now. It was the first time she had ever got sick, i think.
Hurray..the EPL football yahoo fantasy site is up and running and we have a few days to name the teams. An added welcome to distract and torture the mind. But with the increased workload at office, and long working hours, its gonna be toughm, very tough.
Saturday was an interesting morning. Was introduced to the world of digital mapping. Its something we will be seriously considering adopting. Coming back to office after lunch was perhaps a wrong move. To see an envelope with my name on it. The most junior executive we have had tendered his resignation.
While it can be fairly stated that he has not been impressive, but after many months of training and giving the opportunity to learn, its frustratingly annoying to see such an impersonal act. So very polite when requesting for a job, and so bloody rude in resigning in that manner. Supposedly he has been offerred a higher salary by a competitor. (God save them from his mistakes). No mention of the one month notice. Good riddance. Come monday he will surely get an earfull from me. No, we wont be counter offering. No, none of that nonsense. But we're in a predicament. We need to advertise for staff surely. The quotes from the computer vendor has yet to arrive. So much to be done in the next few weeks. And so very short handed at office.
Monday, August 04, 2003
Been wanting to comment on one issue, and keep forgetting. Yes, i've many chat IDs. The present one has been my regular ID since 18 August 1998.
How did it start? Well, i had other IDs for about a year plus. An unfortunate incident happened, and in the course of the exchange of words, someone said i was insane. Am still friends with this person. Wanting to create a totally new ID, that word stuck to my mind, and being a cancerian, the natural reaction was to name the ID as insane cancerian. And as fate would have it, the yahoo account was blocked a few days. No idea why. And i created a new account. The song virtual insanity came to mind. And thus the id came to life.
And in the course of the past few years, ive had a few other IDs which ive used sparingly in other chat rooms. The ones i just move about for fun. Some who read this blog, will be surprised, some might be shocked or disgusted. :) Thats what happens when i keep this blog public, and keep the url on my status message. I can live with it. How people react to it, becomes quite immaterial at this stage of life.
Chat is for fun. It is not to seek husbands or wives, nor brothers or sisters. And there has never been any intention to knowingly hurt. An occasional white lie is acceptable, i guess, for me :D. Yes, am a hypocrite at times, am fully aware. As i would doubt almost anything someone tells me about themself, am sure others too would do the same. But those who've met me, know who i really am. And the very few who have met my family too, well theyre very lucky. :) I doubt anyone else will. But some might ask, if chat was all that, why did i leave that particular environment? I think ive said enough in my earlier blogging. One word summarizes it all.. sadness.
So, to anyone who has been reading this blog, i thank you. Am flattered that anyone would read my ramblings. My long winded lines. What i write, is what i feel and think about. If what i've said to you is not consistent with what ive written here, by all means bring the issue up to me, or if you wish the easy way out, to just ignore me in future.
How did it start? Well, i had other IDs for about a year plus. An unfortunate incident happened, and in the course of the exchange of words, someone said i was insane. Am still friends with this person. Wanting to create a totally new ID, that word stuck to my mind, and being a cancerian, the natural reaction was to name the ID as insane cancerian. And as fate would have it, the yahoo account was blocked a few days. No idea why. And i created a new account. The song virtual insanity came to mind. And thus the id came to life.
And in the course of the past few years, ive had a few other IDs which ive used sparingly in other chat rooms. The ones i just move about for fun. Some who read this blog, will be surprised, some might be shocked or disgusted. :) Thats what happens when i keep this blog public, and keep the url on my status message. I can live with it. How people react to it, becomes quite immaterial at this stage of life.
Chat is for fun. It is not to seek husbands or wives, nor brothers or sisters. And there has never been any intention to knowingly hurt. An occasional white lie is acceptable, i guess, for me :D. Yes, am a hypocrite at times, am fully aware. As i would doubt almost anything someone tells me about themself, am sure others too would do the same. But those who've met me, know who i really am. And the very few who have met my family too, well theyre very lucky. :) I doubt anyone else will. But some might ask, if chat was all that, why did i leave that particular environment? I think ive said enough in my earlier blogging. One word summarizes it all.. sadness.
So, to anyone who has been reading this blog, i thank you. Am flattered that anyone would read my ramblings. My long winded lines. What i write, is what i feel and think about. If what i've said to you is not consistent with what ive written here, by all means bring the issue up to me, or if you wish the easy way out, to just ignore me in future.
A great start to Monday. The weekend was quite peaceful. Was with family at home. Monday morning saw Man. Utd. beat Barcelona 3-1. And my position in the yahoo fantasy golf goes up to 199 in the world, out of 285,997 :D
The mind has craving for distractions all the time. Keep making the mistake of reflecting on the past. And keep reminding myself to stay impersonal, to stay distant, and dont bother anyone anymore. Some things in life, must never be said. This is one major lesson that i've learnt the hard way. Can only hope, i will not repeat such mistakes in future.
The mind is almost a complete blank now. David Gates's new song is nice. "I cant play the songs" or something like that.
Time for a quick lunch, and then back to work.
The mind has craving for distractions all the time. Keep making the mistake of reflecting on the past. And keep reminding myself to stay impersonal, to stay distant, and dont bother anyone anymore. Some things in life, must never be said. This is one major lesson that i've learnt the hard way. Can only hope, i will not repeat such mistakes in future.
The mind is almost a complete blank now. David Gates's new song is nice. "I cant play the songs" or something like that.
Time for a quick lunch, and then back to work.
Friday, August 01, 2003
I seem to be blogging lesser nowadays. Thats not good news.
Wrote an entire paragraph, and then realised i was repeating myself. I've said my final goodbye to one who is a stranger to me. I must move one.
There has been comments that i am hyper sensitive and all too easily slighted. And that it was my major weakness. Hmmm, there is some truth in that. Some, i stress. Yes, i am sensitive. Hyper at times. I am unable to read minds, When we chat, i have no idea what your emotions are. What your true thoughts and meanings might be. All that i do is to react, and to interpret and perceive. At times, my perceptions are wrong, my interpretations go haywire. And in interpreting and perceiving, i would naturally look at the worst case scenarios. The onus has to be on the other party to correct me.
When we talk or meet, yes we would talk. We would hear each other. Messages are conveyed better. There is lesser room for miunderstandings. Mere written words, is just too difficult to be just interpreted literally.
When i approach a friendship, i would try to be as open as possible, as honest as possible, and yet be protective of my privacy. No, i would try very very hard to abstain from being lovey dovey. A person who confides their problems, would get my attention. I would emphathise with them. I would feel the emotions they are going through. Perhaps this inability to detach myself from these emotions, have lead to many problems over the years. By immersing myself into those problems, i just complicate matters. A new dimension is added. To detach oneself, would allow one the benefit of being less personal, and less emotional. I must master this detachment. Would i be less of a human by doing this. I wonder.
I read somewhere that cancerians supposedly treasure friendships and would never break one. I think its an error. A half-truth. I feel, i will try hard to keep friendships, but there are limits. There are times friendships just deteriorate into being just aquaintances or it breaks up. Once the limits are breached, one tends to react. There may be different reasons, and there has over the years been many reasons. A perception of being taken for granted. A lack of initiative to keep a friendship going. A situation when the conversation is limited to the customary polite chat of hellos and how are yous. When it is only one party that carrys the entire communication, ie. a one way street. A lack of sensitivity or genuine remorse over an indiscretion. TOo many possibilities. The crab just detaches itself and retreats into its shell for a variety of reasons. Perhaps to nurse the hurt. To not create a fuss or fight. To not be a bother. To not intrude into their lives. To not hurt. To wait and see if theres an attempt to talk things out.
Health is on the upside now. Feeling almost as good as new. The lower back still worries me though. It still scares me to think of the problem last week. To be immobile in the car and struggling to drive, is no fun. The slight twitch has started again. Perhaps its time i take this seriously and see a specialist. Squash is not an option at the moment. Have to stick to light workouts and weights at the moment.
Fantasy golf has been good still. Improved rankings to 243 now. All time high. Taunted Hogan and the aussies. But alas, he has mellowed. No fireworks. No dribbling.
EPL ..2 weeks to go. Cant wait.
Work has been tremendously hectic. Volume of work has exceeded what had been the norm during the boom period. Turnover is beginning to sustain at a healthy level. Long working hours has become the norm. The staff are struggling. Had to come out with various incentive packages to motivate. To expand would be too risky a gamble. But the computer vendor has been called. We need to upgrade. Lots of new hardware and software. Something that should improve productivity.
Gonna leave the office early today. Am tired, mentally worn out.
Wrote an entire paragraph, and then realised i was repeating myself. I've said my final goodbye to one who is a stranger to me. I must move one.
There has been comments that i am hyper sensitive and all too easily slighted. And that it was my major weakness. Hmmm, there is some truth in that. Some, i stress. Yes, i am sensitive. Hyper at times. I am unable to read minds, When we chat, i have no idea what your emotions are. What your true thoughts and meanings might be. All that i do is to react, and to interpret and perceive. At times, my perceptions are wrong, my interpretations go haywire. And in interpreting and perceiving, i would naturally look at the worst case scenarios. The onus has to be on the other party to correct me.
When we talk or meet, yes we would talk. We would hear each other. Messages are conveyed better. There is lesser room for miunderstandings. Mere written words, is just too difficult to be just interpreted literally.
When i approach a friendship, i would try to be as open as possible, as honest as possible, and yet be protective of my privacy. No, i would try very very hard to abstain from being lovey dovey. A person who confides their problems, would get my attention. I would emphathise with them. I would feel the emotions they are going through. Perhaps this inability to detach myself from these emotions, have lead to many problems over the years. By immersing myself into those problems, i just complicate matters. A new dimension is added. To detach oneself, would allow one the benefit of being less personal, and less emotional. I must master this detachment. Would i be less of a human by doing this. I wonder.
I read somewhere that cancerians supposedly treasure friendships and would never break one. I think its an error. A half-truth. I feel, i will try hard to keep friendships, but there are limits. There are times friendships just deteriorate into being just aquaintances or it breaks up. Once the limits are breached, one tends to react. There may be different reasons, and there has over the years been many reasons. A perception of being taken for granted. A lack of initiative to keep a friendship going. A situation when the conversation is limited to the customary polite chat of hellos and how are yous. When it is only one party that carrys the entire communication, ie. a one way street. A lack of sensitivity or genuine remorse over an indiscretion. TOo many possibilities. The crab just detaches itself and retreats into its shell for a variety of reasons. Perhaps to nurse the hurt. To not create a fuss or fight. To not be a bother. To not intrude into their lives. To not hurt. To wait and see if theres an attempt to talk things out.
Health is on the upside now. Feeling almost as good as new. The lower back still worries me though. It still scares me to think of the problem last week. To be immobile in the car and struggling to drive, is no fun. The slight twitch has started again. Perhaps its time i take this seriously and see a specialist. Squash is not an option at the moment. Have to stick to light workouts and weights at the moment.
Fantasy golf has been good still. Improved rankings to 243 now. All time high. Taunted Hogan and the aussies. But alas, he has mellowed. No fireworks. No dribbling.
EPL ..2 weeks to go. Cant wait.
Work has been tremendously hectic. Volume of work has exceeded what had been the norm during the boom period. Turnover is beginning to sustain at a healthy level. Long working hours has become the norm. The staff are struggling. Had to come out with various incentive packages to motivate. To expand would be too risky a gamble. But the computer vendor has been called. We need to upgrade. Lots of new hardware and software. Something that should improve productivity.
Gonna leave the office early today. Am tired, mentally worn out.
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
"so typical of idiotic women to pick only parts of my sentences, twist the meaning to suite their taste and then try to attack me. This has nothing to do with me analyzing. It has everything to do with you inability to understand what i write and form an understanding that is totally wrong. And you dont like to be told youre wrong. And when i say the type of people am looking for to chat, you pick part of my line and come up with a pathetic response. At this juncture, yes, i would agree... i dont find it stimulating to chat with you. Its a one way track. It is too reliant on only me to carry a chat conversation, and thats a bore. Please dont reply. Dont wish to waste either of our time. End."
Now...thats how nasty i can get. I love to chat. But when i say simple things, and my words get interpreted in the most twisted way possible, i will react. :) Am ony human. The second point goes back to what i had blogged much earlier. For me to sustain interest in a chat with a particular person, there must be a two way communication. The other party has got to show some interest to keep this fragile chat friendship going. Ouf of sight, would almost always make me go out of your life.
Now...thats how nasty i can get. I love to chat. But when i say simple things, and my words get interpreted in the most twisted way possible, i will react. :) Am ony human. The second point goes back to what i had blogged much earlier. For me to sustain interest in a chat with a particular person, there must be a two way communication. The other party has got to show some interest to keep this fragile chat friendship going. Ouf of sight, would almost always make me go out of your life.
Monday, July 28, 2003
The weekend was one of mixed emotions. On one hand, i tried to patch up someone's broken friendship with another, and in the process get brushed aside. Wasnt surprised though. Had decided to back off. The incident on saturday was the right catalyst to say my final goodbye. I have written about this earlier, days ago. The person i used to know, is no longer. I cannot cling to memories and look at the future. The goodbye was brief,with best wishes for the future. Naturally had wanted to say, if ever there was a need for someone to talk to, to just contact me. But then, i knew better then to make a fool out of myself, again. As much as i want a friendship, if its distorted in such a manner that only brings sadness, its best i dont intrude. This time though, am certain. I must not intrude anymore.
It was otherwise, a nice quiet weekend with the family. The kids are a joy to be with. K is beginning to crawl a bit. She doesnt like being alone, and needs company at all times. D has grown up a lot and beginning to talk more. Very active, and loves chocolates. And cartoons. Sigh, guilty we are for introducing cartoon movies to her. She also has the tendency to bite or pinch or hit K. This is a constant worry. We try to make sure theyre equally loved, and ensure D is never left out, that at least one of us are with her at all times. The rain on Sunday put paid to all our plans to bring the kids out. Managed to sneak out that night to the computer fair and get my printer ink catridges though. As usual, there was nothing new at the fair.
As for golf, monday afternoon was a pleasant one. A big jump in the yahoo fantasy golf rankings, to 253 out of 280769 teams. Breaking into the top 50 and being listed on the yahoo page is always the target. Many more months of competition. Can only hope for the best since theres a lot of luck involved here.
This morning too saw a few of us here talking about life here. How things are done. How accountability is a word alien to those in position. How time after time, blunders are commited by ministers, department heads, civil servants, people in managment, and its all covered up. Not a single one it seems have ever taken the fall, to hold themself to be accountable and to tender their resignation, save for one. Was it not Tan sri elyas omar, the ex mayor of KL who resigned, taking responsibility of the shortcomings of his subordinates? Contracts are given out blindly, with hardly supervision. Money, public's, is spent without a thought. It has become apparent over the years, money is spent with only one thing in mind. What's the kickbacks involved. That sadly is the state of the country.
We have the johor state declaring this year to be the Visit Johor Year. Its already end of July and we still see half the town still being dug up to construct proper drains, lighting and pavements. Shop owners crying foul over lost business and inconvenience. Rubbish all over. Hardly a proper signboard to warn people of works being done. A total mess. An eye sore of the highest degree. One need not mention about the infamous Sungai Segget, with its notorious smell. Decisons made without any thought. Are we so devoid of intelligent people in the decision making sections of our country's administration. Doesnt common sense tell one that you improve things, make the city presentable, for it is after all the southern gateway of the country. And then only do you go on an aggresive tourism promotion to encourage people to visit you.
Which brings to mind a possible rationale. Elections could be coming soon. Transitions in the government. It could be better to have all the spendings this year and skim their "cuts" while they can. Its appearing to be like their God-given right to take a cut of everything.
How would i solve this problem? Am i just an armchair critic? One simple suggestion, that will solve and curb this problem.
Every single civil servant and politician holding public office, must declare their entire asset list every year. Best to include the assets of their spouses and children too in that list. Would be interesting to see what each one of them have accumulated over the years. Naturally this is one proposal that will never see daylight. It will help too if the ACA was made to be an independent authority answerable to the Parliment, and headed by a committee of say 10 persons voted in by the public in a nationwide election. Farfetched? Who knows, it could work.
Whatever happened to that earlier mentioned case of someone supposedly copying my words and flow of thought? Well, though asked to stop communicating with me, the person persisted with yet another email. Naturally i replied and bluntly told off the party. Copy by all means. Proclaim your intelligence and ability to write by all means. But at the same time, the similiarity is so damning that even a lay person will tell you its copied. Blocked the email address and refuse to indulge further in that matter.
It was otherwise, a nice quiet weekend with the family. The kids are a joy to be with. K is beginning to crawl a bit. She doesnt like being alone, and needs company at all times. D has grown up a lot and beginning to talk more. Very active, and loves chocolates. And cartoons. Sigh, guilty we are for introducing cartoon movies to her. She also has the tendency to bite or pinch or hit K. This is a constant worry. We try to make sure theyre equally loved, and ensure D is never left out, that at least one of us are with her at all times. The rain on Sunday put paid to all our plans to bring the kids out. Managed to sneak out that night to the computer fair and get my printer ink catridges though. As usual, there was nothing new at the fair.
As for golf, monday afternoon was a pleasant one. A big jump in the yahoo fantasy golf rankings, to 253 out of 280769 teams. Breaking into the top 50 and being listed on the yahoo page is always the target. Many more months of competition. Can only hope for the best since theres a lot of luck involved here.
This morning too saw a few of us here talking about life here. How things are done. How accountability is a word alien to those in position. How time after time, blunders are commited by ministers, department heads, civil servants, people in managment, and its all covered up. Not a single one it seems have ever taken the fall, to hold themself to be accountable and to tender their resignation, save for one. Was it not Tan sri elyas omar, the ex mayor of KL who resigned, taking responsibility of the shortcomings of his subordinates? Contracts are given out blindly, with hardly supervision. Money, public's, is spent without a thought. It has become apparent over the years, money is spent with only one thing in mind. What's the kickbacks involved. That sadly is the state of the country.
We have the johor state declaring this year to be the Visit Johor Year. Its already end of July and we still see half the town still being dug up to construct proper drains, lighting and pavements. Shop owners crying foul over lost business and inconvenience. Rubbish all over. Hardly a proper signboard to warn people of works being done. A total mess. An eye sore of the highest degree. One need not mention about the infamous Sungai Segget, with its notorious smell. Decisons made without any thought. Are we so devoid of intelligent people in the decision making sections of our country's administration. Doesnt common sense tell one that you improve things, make the city presentable, for it is after all the southern gateway of the country. And then only do you go on an aggresive tourism promotion to encourage people to visit you.
Which brings to mind a possible rationale. Elections could be coming soon. Transitions in the government. It could be better to have all the spendings this year and skim their "cuts" while they can. Its appearing to be like their God-given right to take a cut of everything.
How would i solve this problem? Am i just an armchair critic? One simple suggestion, that will solve and curb this problem.
Every single civil servant and politician holding public office, must declare their entire asset list every year. Best to include the assets of their spouses and children too in that list. Would be interesting to see what each one of them have accumulated over the years. Naturally this is one proposal that will never see daylight. It will help too if the ACA was made to be an independent authority answerable to the Parliment, and headed by a committee of say 10 persons voted in by the public in a nationwide election. Farfetched? Who knows, it could work.
Whatever happened to that earlier mentioned case of someone supposedly copying my words and flow of thought? Well, though asked to stop communicating with me, the person persisted with yet another email. Naturally i replied and bluntly told off the party. Copy by all means. Proclaim your intelligence and ability to write by all means. But at the same time, the similiarity is so damning that even a lay person will tell you its copied. Blocked the email address and refuse to indulge further in that matter.
Saturday, July 26, 2003
Its already friday, and just didnt have the time to write the past few days.
Almost fully recovered from the flu. Late nite work at office for days, had taken its toll. Lack of sleep on a stretch, almost always the cold/cough to set in.
An interesting thing happened last night. Someone i knew on chat previously at the kuala lumpur global chat:1, had sent her goodbye message to a number of people, including me. At the first reading, i burst into laughter as i realised that so much was taken from my own goodbye note early July.
Yes, my command of the language isnt good. All who read this blog will attest to that. Grammar mistakes everywhere. Am fully aware. But then, this isnt a book, well not yet anyway.
But when exact words, exact phrases, and flow of thought is reproduced, it doesnt speak much of that party. A simple laugh it off, is instead replaced by a flat denial of any similarities. Even to the extent of requesting i highlight where the similarities are. :) Something that first started as a tease, ends up being a major blowout, with me being called names. :)
Saturday will then likely see a few more friends sharing their views on this matter. Thus far, one other lady has commented the similarities are so stark, so blatant. Its amazing the extent some go, and the inability to let humility surface. Enough bandwith on such.
Golf has been good. At 416 position now. Hoping to break through the 400 barrier by sunday.
Saturday is a working day. Sigh. Much to be done at office.
Almost fully recovered from the flu. Late nite work at office for days, had taken its toll. Lack of sleep on a stretch, almost always the cold/cough to set in.
An interesting thing happened last night. Someone i knew on chat previously at the kuala lumpur global chat:1, had sent her goodbye message to a number of people, including me. At the first reading, i burst into laughter as i realised that so much was taken from my own goodbye note early July.
Yes, my command of the language isnt good. All who read this blog will attest to that. Grammar mistakes everywhere. Am fully aware. But then, this isnt a book, well not yet anyway.
But when exact words, exact phrases, and flow of thought is reproduced, it doesnt speak much of that party. A simple laugh it off, is instead replaced by a flat denial of any similarities. Even to the extent of requesting i highlight where the similarities are. :) Something that first started as a tease, ends up being a major blowout, with me being called names. :)
Saturday will then likely see a few more friends sharing their views on this matter. Thus far, one other lady has commented the similarities are so stark, so blatant. Its amazing the extent some go, and the inability to let humility surface. Enough bandwith on such.
Golf has been good. At 416 position now. Hoping to break through the 400 barrier by sunday.
Saturday is a working day. Sigh. Much to be done at office.
Tuesday, July 22, 2003
1230am. For once in all these years, its been a worthwhile and rewarding stay at office this late.
Class 95fm in Singapore had a contest just now. Something about golf personalities. And there was no correct answers. Then the DJ gave a clue about the guy winning the 1954 US amateur championship. Naturally the internet search engines listed arnold palmer as the fella. And blindly calling in, my call went through. I won! I won!! Ha Ha! For once, won something from the radio. A CD hamper. Love songs i guess. Good for a change i guess, instead of listening to heartbreaking and negative numbers. Hope mrs listened to the radio just now. How different my voice sounds on radio, i couldnt recognize it myself.
CIAO!!
Class 95fm in Singapore had a contest just now. Something about golf personalities. And there was no correct answers. Then the DJ gave a clue about the guy winning the 1954 US amateur championship. Naturally the internet search engines listed arnold palmer as the fella. And blindly calling in, my call went through. I won! I won!! Ha Ha! For once, won something from the radio. A CD hamper. Love songs i guess. Good for a change i guess, instead of listening to heartbreaking and negative numbers. Hope mrs listened to the radio just now. How different my voice sounds on radio, i couldnt recognize it myself.
CIAO!!
Monday, July 21, 2003
I'm never shy but this is different
I can't explain the way I'm feeling tonight
I'm losing control of my heart
Tell me what can I do to make you happy
Nothing I ever say seems to come out right
I'm losing control of my heart
And I wish that I could be
Another better part of me
Can't hear what your thinking
Maybe if I just let go
you'd open up your heart
But I can't read you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart defending I get left behind
I can't reach you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind
No no no no no
No no no no no
I like you so much I'm acting stupid
I can't play the game I'm all intense and alive
I'm losing control of my heart
I'm not supposed to be this nervous
I should play my hand all cool and calm
I can't breathe
I'm losing control of my heart
And I wish that you could see
The other better parts of me
Feel this fire I'm feeling
Then you'd see me in control
And baby then you'd know
But I can't read you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart defending I get left behind
I can't reach you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind
No no no no no
No, its not my creation. Its Daniel Bedingfield's "I can't read you".
Another favourite of mine is Savage Garden's "Crash and burn". Could relate to it for most times thats how i was, i guess. On hindsight, stupid of me :)
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Somehow, of late i've come to the conclusion that in here, at the end of it all, one is alone. It becomes a circle of one.
It's been a tiring day, its 10pm. Am still at office. There's still much work to be done. I guess i'll still be here for at least 2 hours.
Can't believe that almost the entire weekend nights that passed by was spent watching the British Open golf tourney. It was worth the watch. The first time ever i've sat through many hours of seeing fellas hitting a small ball with long sticks, trying to put the ball into 18 small holes. Felt sorry for the danish guy, Bjorn was it his name. The bunker shot on the 15th or 16th destroyed what seemed to have been a sure win. And monday morning was a pleasant start. Improved world rankings to almost 400, in the yahoo fantasy golf game. I think this is the best i've done in the past 3 years.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. Why did I lie. Why didnt I reveal the main reason for leaving that environment. Instinctively, when was asked, I didnt want to cause further hurt. There had been too much of it before. A little white lie wouldnt hurt anyone. The last thing I would want is someone to feel guilty that they're the main cause. The disappointments, one after another over the months has been overwhelming, yes. Better to just let this be the reason. But then, this seems like wishful thinking on my part. Nobody cares anyway.
I seem to be publicizing the existence of these ramblings. Quite a few have read it. Now, I wish I would allocate a few hours, and work on putting on a guest book on this blog, so that I could read what others may think of some of the crap I've written here. As for me, I write what I feel. Its mostly impromptu. But I have realised that the longer I spend to write here, the more I reflect on the past. And this is something I must stop doing.
Am almost ok from my recent bout of cold/cough. Wonder though if I should drive up to KL for the tender briefing at Shah Alam. Will probably wait till the last moment. Isn't it day after tomorrow? A quick drive up the night before, that would be tomorrow. And a return drive the following evening.
Can't write anymore
ciao
I can't explain the way I'm feeling tonight
I'm losing control of my heart
Tell me what can I do to make you happy
Nothing I ever say seems to come out right
I'm losing control of my heart
And I wish that I could be
Another better part of me
Can't hear what your thinking
Maybe if I just let go
you'd open up your heart
But I can't read you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart defending I get left behind
I can't reach you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind
No no no no no
No no no no no
I like you so much I'm acting stupid
I can't play the game I'm all intense and alive
I'm losing control of my heart
I'm not supposed to be this nervous
I should play my hand all cool and calm
I can't breathe
I'm losing control of my heart
And I wish that you could see
The other better parts of me
Feel this fire I'm feeling
Then you'd see me in control
And baby then you'd know
But I can't read you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart defending I get left behind
I can't reach you
I wish I knew what's going through your mind
Can't touch you, your heart protecting I get left behind
No no no no no
No, its not my creation. Its Daniel Bedingfield's "I can't read you".
Another favourite of mine is Savage Garden's "Crash and burn". Could relate to it for most times thats how i was, i guess. On hindsight, stupid of me :)
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
And there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Somehow, of late i've come to the conclusion that in here, at the end of it all, one is alone. It becomes a circle of one.
It's been a tiring day, its 10pm. Am still at office. There's still much work to be done. I guess i'll still be here for at least 2 hours.
Can't believe that almost the entire weekend nights that passed by was spent watching the British Open golf tourney. It was worth the watch. The first time ever i've sat through many hours of seeing fellas hitting a small ball with long sticks, trying to put the ball into 18 small holes. Felt sorry for the danish guy, Bjorn was it his name. The bunker shot on the 15th or 16th destroyed what seemed to have been a sure win. And monday morning was a pleasant start. Improved world rankings to almost 400, in the yahoo fantasy golf game. I think this is the best i've done in the past 3 years.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. Why did I lie. Why didnt I reveal the main reason for leaving that environment. Instinctively, when was asked, I didnt want to cause further hurt. There had been too much of it before. A little white lie wouldnt hurt anyone. The last thing I would want is someone to feel guilty that they're the main cause. The disappointments, one after another over the months has been overwhelming, yes. Better to just let this be the reason. But then, this seems like wishful thinking on my part. Nobody cares anyway.
I seem to be publicizing the existence of these ramblings. Quite a few have read it. Now, I wish I would allocate a few hours, and work on putting on a guest book on this blog, so that I could read what others may think of some of the crap I've written here. As for me, I write what I feel. Its mostly impromptu. But I have realised that the longer I spend to write here, the more I reflect on the past. And this is something I must stop doing.
Am almost ok from my recent bout of cold/cough. Wonder though if I should drive up to KL for the tender briefing at Shah Alam. Will probably wait till the last moment. Isn't it day after tomorrow? A quick drive up the night before, that would be tomorrow. And a return drive the following evening.
Can't write anymore
ciao
Saturday, July 19, 2003
Been unwell past 2 days. That sort of explains the silence here. As usual, the same thoughts pass through the mind.
Several things have happened past few days. Had a good lunch with the bankers on wednesday. Skipped the opening ceremony of a bank on thursday. Didnt like the idea of sniffing in a crowd. Will need to drop by their office next week though.
Highlight of the week must be knowing a particular institution had agreed to continue using our services. Must continue to improve things at office considering the workload is likely to be sustained for months now. Upgrading of computers and other stuff is right at the top of the list of things to do.
As for life, thankfully thus far the kids have not got the cold from me. Pray that they wont. Never a pleasant experience having sick young ones. :(
On the historical front, there continues to be disappointment whenever the mind wanders and reflects. On the golf front, hurray..broke into the top 500 in the fantasy golf game. One step at a time i guess. Its getting to be boring at the group, with the aussies keeping a low key. If only EPL starts now.
Time for a short nap.
Several things have happened past few days. Had a good lunch with the bankers on wednesday. Skipped the opening ceremony of a bank on thursday. Didnt like the idea of sniffing in a crowd. Will need to drop by their office next week though.
Highlight of the week must be knowing a particular institution had agreed to continue using our services. Must continue to improve things at office considering the workload is likely to be sustained for months now. Upgrading of computers and other stuff is right at the top of the list of things to do.
As for life, thankfully thus far the kids have not got the cold from me. Pray that they wont. Never a pleasant experience having sick young ones. :(
On the historical front, there continues to be disappointment whenever the mind wanders and reflects. On the golf front, hurray..broke into the top 500 in the fantasy golf game. One step at a time i guess. Its getting to be boring at the group, with the aussies keeping a low key. If only EPL starts now.
Time for a short nap.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Too many have asked why the Jerk picks (or hits on me, depends on how you look at it) on me over the years. It happened a long time ago, when KL global chat was at its infancy. I believe it was back in late 2000.
He was using many IDs, amongst others being hindi cinema actor's names etc. Didnt bother us old timers. Then he started passing smart ass remarks. Immature ones too, which reflected badly on him. Example? One was how married folks should spend time with their loved ones instead of chatting. Presumably he didnt know that most people chat because theyre free, and the spouses are either busy with other stuff or arent around, or any other reasons thats no business of others. :) The other was something along the lines of, cool people should out and about, especially on saturday nights, instead of sitting in front of the pc chatting away. Well, again he fails to realise, some people prefer to stay home. And we all know, in time to come, he ended up being online almost all day long, using different IDs just to spy on others, to check on whether anyone was talking bad about him :)
Then came the proclaimation that he was a virgin (mind you, he's supposedly in his mid to late 20s). And he was beginning to show his hollier than thou attitude. Naturally lots of people teased him. Naturally i couldnt resist the temptation to burst his bubble.
Asked him a simple question. Do you engage in the act of masturbation. Cos, in my opinion, a male who is a virgin, should not have ever masturbated either :D Obviously, the bubble burst, and he got annoyed that such a question could ever be asked :D
Well, not wanting to kick a person when he is down, i privately told him we (me) were only teasing him. And that it was an admirable thing, to stay off sex (naturally masturbation doesnt count) till marriage. Just when i was beginning to be nice, he had to blow it. He said, all the women from chat he met in person, wanted to have sex with him !!! I definitely didnt need to know that. In the back of my mind, every other women who tells me they have met the fella, would have wanted to have sex with him. Regardless of the truth. Told him off for being extremely ungentlemanly with that comment.
Naturally there were many other incidents involving me, and madnoh, as well as some other old timers in the chat room. But then, we never hated the fella. He had this tendency to come up with very long sentences that had "big" words, that almost always somehow or rather never did fit into the sentence. It wasnt an issue of whether a person's command of english was good or bad. It was a simple case of someone trying to show off and yet, using the words wrongly. The lack of humility and all of the above, just made the whole thing a very humourous experience for a few of us. We would copy paste his entire sentences, and pass them around to a small group of 4 or 5 guys. Exact sentences, no editing, we laugh, we move on. Examples? Many, but mostly at my office pc.
There was one incident, he was chatting with someone on open chat, and was copy pasting entire paragraphs of a letter purportedly to be sent to cyberjaya's developer or someone, to complain about bad workmanship. He coined a word, that me and a buddy will remember the rest of our lives :D " ...the gutterlessness..." (gutter=A trough fixed under or along the eaves for draining rainwater from a roof.Also called regionally eaves spout, eaves trough, rainspout, spouting.) (seems the house didnt have gutters or something) :D
Then we received lots of feedback from friends, that he was going around complaining how me and madnoh hated him. Heaven forbid, we loved him for all the laughter he has provided over the years, albeit at his expense :) As for us, we just remained silent, told people what was our stand, and life went on.
I guess after a while, when this small group of friends were involved with yahoo's fantasy EPL football game, we utilized the bulletin board in our private group to post messages. Obviously we copy pasted his exact lines whenever we happened to see funny ones. So folks, all you curious ones, this is the backdrop..the brief history of what has been happening. It was never a secret that we were copy pasting his lines. i for one, would say things like...ahhh here comes out the note pad..and copy paste is done for future reading or to be passed around. :) And over the years many have vainly tried to get through that mind, to get rid of the vanity and pompous attitude. As for me and my buddy, nah.. thats a waste of time. Everyone is entitled to say their piece on chat. Its a free world after all aint it. And we were free to copy paste his exact words and laugh at them :) No slander, no defamation, no cooked up story, no rumours, not bitching.
Of late he had been pestering to meet up. God knows why he doesnt understand that i dislike him, and i dont simply meet everyone from chat. Why would i want to waste my time. I am supposedly cowardly for declining to meet him. :D He even taunts by saying things like some women hate me. Sigh, like i care.
Over the years most who know me, know very well, many on chat dislike me. And for each and everyone of these, theres always a separate reason. For me, life goes on. Most of us are there to kill time, not to argue or to pick fights. And for me, chat is never about a popularity contest. Am blunt, am arrogant, i say whats on my mind, and i am a bad player of the diplomatic hypocritic game of smiling at someone, and then shitting them later to others. One is conditioned generally by the environment theyre in. If the perception is am arrogant, so be it. Its others' perception, and theyre free to perceive. Most would just turn a blind eye, not step on toes. I have much to learn i guess in this aspect of life.
Its getting late. Will try to post some interesting quotes from yesteryears. Its a busy day ahead in the morning. Time to hit the sack. Ciao.
He was using many IDs, amongst others being hindi cinema actor's names etc. Didnt bother us old timers. Then he started passing smart ass remarks. Immature ones too, which reflected badly on him. Example? One was how married folks should spend time with their loved ones instead of chatting. Presumably he didnt know that most people chat because theyre free, and the spouses are either busy with other stuff or arent around, or any other reasons thats no business of others. :) The other was something along the lines of, cool people should out and about, especially on saturday nights, instead of sitting in front of the pc chatting away. Well, again he fails to realise, some people prefer to stay home. And we all know, in time to come, he ended up being online almost all day long, using different IDs just to spy on others, to check on whether anyone was talking bad about him :)
Then came the proclaimation that he was a virgin (mind you, he's supposedly in his mid to late 20s). And he was beginning to show his hollier than thou attitude. Naturally lots of people teased him. Naturally i couldnt resist the temptation to burst his bubble.
Asked him a simple question. Do you engage in the act of masturbation. Cos, in my opinion, a male who is a virgin, should not have ever masturbated either :D Obviously, the bubble burst, and he got annoyed that such a question could ever be asked :D
Well, not wanting to kick a person when he is down, i privately told him we (me) were only teasing him. And that it was an admirable thing, to stay off sex (naturally masturbation doesnt count) till marriage. Just when i was beginning to be nice, he had to blow it. He said, all the women from chat he met in person, wanted to have sex with him !!! I definitely didnt need to know that. In the back of my mind, every other women who tells me they have met the fella, would have wanted to have sex with him. Regardless of the truth. Told him off for being extremely ungentlemanly with that comment.
Naturally there were many other incidents involving me, and madnoh, as well as some other old timers in the chat room. But then, we never hated the fella. He had this tendency to come up with very long sentences that had "big" words, that almost always somehow or rather never did fit into the sentence. It wasnt an issue of whether a person's command of english was good or bad. It was a simple case of someone trying to show off and yet, using the words wrongly. The lack of humility and all of the above, just made the whole thing a very humourous experience for a few of us. We would copy paste his entire sentences, and pass them around to a small group of 4 or 5 guys. Exact sentences, no editing, we laugh, we move on. Examples? Many, but mostly at my office pc.
There was one incident, he was chatting with someone on open chat, and was copy pasting entire paragraphs of a letter purportedly to be sent to cyberjaya's developer or someone, to complain about bad workmanship. He coined a word, that me and a buddy will remember the rest of our lives :D " ...the gutterlessness..." (gutter=A trough fixed under or along the eaves for draining rainwater from a roof.Also called regionally eaves spout, eaves trough, rainspout, spouting.) (seems the house didnt have gutters or something) :D
Then we received lots of feedback from friends, that he was going around complaining how me and madnoh hated him. Heaven forbid, we loved him for all the laughter he has provided over the years, albeit at his expense :) As for us, we just remained silent, told people what was our stand, and life went on.
I guess after a while, when this small group of friends were involved with yahoo's fantasy EPL football game, we utilized the bulletin board in our private group to post messages. Obviously we copy pasted his exact lines whenever we happened to see funny ones. So folks, all you curious ones, this is the backdrop..the brief history of what has been happening. It was never a secret that we were copy pasting his lines. i for one, would say things like...ahhh here comes out the note pad..and copy paste is done for future reading or to be passed around. :) And over the years many have vainly tried to get through that mind, to get rid of the vanity and pompous attitude. As for me and my buddy, nah.. thats a waste of time. Everyone is entitled to say their piece on chat. Its a free world after all aint it. And we were free to copy paste his exact words and laugh at them :) No slander, no defamation, no cooked up story, no rumours, not bitching.
Of late he had been pestering to meet up. God knows why he doesnt understand that i dislike him, and i dont simply meet everyone from chat. Why would i want to waste my time. I am supposedly cowardly for declining to meet him. :D He even taunts by saying things like some women hate me. Sigh, like i care.
Over the years most who know me, know very well, many on chat dislike me. And for each and everyone of these, theres always a separate reason. For me, life goes on. Most of us are there to kill time, not to argue or to pick fights. And for me, chat is never about a popularity contest. Am blunt, am arrogant, i say whats on my mind, and i am a bad player of the diplomatic hypocritic game of smiling at someone, and then shitting them later to others. One is conditioned generally by the environment theyre in. If the perception is am arrogant, so be it. Its others' perception, and theyre free to perceive. Most would just turn a blind eye, not step on toes. I have much to learn i guess in this aspect of life.
Its getting late. Will try to post some interesting quotes from yesteryears. Its a busy day ahead in the morning. Time to hit the sack. Ciao.
Monday, July 14, 2003
Friday, July 11, 2003
Its almost the end of Friday. Just finished most of my work. Done with the printing. One of my staff came in to work, with his wife and son. Am thankful he takes the initiative to work harder to clear the pile up on his table.
K would have slept by now i guess. Hope D is still awake. Miss both of them lots. Better head for home now. Back to work tomorrow. Sigh.
K would have slept by now i guess. Hope D is still awake. Miss both of them lots. Better head for home now. Back to work tomorrow. Sigh.
Thursday, July 10, 2003
Been thinking a lot, as usual. Have decided to keep silent. If am wanted as a friend, then let them come to me. Let them make the attempt. And if they dont, i will just accept that and allow whatever friendships, if one could call it such, that have been in existence all this while, to just die a natural death.
Somehow or rather, there will tend to be a silver lining in the clouds. Have been communicating with an old chat friend recently. Known the lady for 2 years plus now. 2 years is a long time here online, for me. She's married and has a good hubby. Nice couple they are. But somehow or rather have not been able to meet up with them at KL whenever am there. Its been 7 months since last saw them. I guess when all is done and considered, she's been one rare individual from the online world who's been true, without pretensions, without expectations, and wants to keep the friendship going. Theres never a need to worry about "wayangs" i.e. play-acting, or hidden agendas. We keep in touch because we want to be friends. We've met each others' families. Wonderful parents she has.
So, am reminded, its not all dark and gloomy in the online world. Nice people are around. And these are people whom you dont need to worry that one fine day the person you think is wonderful, turns out to be a monster, or a manipulating creature. Will always wish her well in her life, particularly at this period when she's about to sit for a crucial professional exam. Hope she gets through it and goes on to have a succesful career. This lady deserves it.
Its the end of wednesday. Another hectic day at office. There is uncertainty now. Its unjust how some are in this world. How discriminative things are. Youre rarely judged by the work you produce, but by the "foreign-ness" of the name of your organisation. Just have a foreign affiliation or add a "mat salleh" name to your company's name, and youve practically made it in Malaysia. But when you look at the people behind them, its the same locals producing about the same work as you and i. Its sad how a book is judged by its cover.
While on this, its disgusting a particular organisation which is an multinational financial institution which has a tagline that in so-much of words says its our friendly local friend, refuses to accept services of equally qualified firms. Perhaps its the local-ness of these firms' names. Yet they have the cheek to ask we bend the rules and participate in undercutting of professional fees. Such arm-twisting is getting to be too common nawadays. Makes one wonder when the authorities especially the Central Bank will step in and demand that everything is above board to ensure the impartiality of all parties offering professional services.
Digressing, but i must say the ad for peugeot where the guy transforms his volks to the shape of a peugeot was superb. Definitely creative and eye-catching, not to mention witty.
Another thought crossed the mind. Over the years its apparent its not all that rosy over here. There has seemed to be a glaring lack of sensitivity towards the minorities. There is tremendous expectation for the minority to be highly sensitive towards the majority, but sadly its never reciprocated. In almost every facet of life, while most of the minority would be sensitive towards the feelings and culture of the majority, almost always when things are done by the majority hardly a thought is given to the sensitivities of the former. Someone said a very blunt thing to the Education Minister in the papers today. Dont insult the intelligence of the public. A matriculation system of examination can never equal to the nightmarish STPM exams which cover 1.5 years of syllabus in a single 2 to 3 week exam. The former though would have coursework and assignments which contribute to part of their marks. Even after the outcry last year, we are still going through the same problems this year. Its a simple problem with an even simpler solution. Ensure everyone sits for the STPM, since its of high standards. Then, its an even playing field. Why create situations where the best brains in the country are forced to move out of the country and never return. At the end of the day, wouldnt all of us want the best brains of the country staying within and contributing towards the improvement of this country???
Somehow or rather, there will tend to be a silver lining in the clouds. Have been communicating with an old chat friend recently. Known the lady for 2 years plus now. 2 years is a long time here online, for me. She's married and has a good hubby. Nice couple they are. But somehow or rather have not been able to meet up with them at KL whenever am there. Its been 7 months since last saw them. I guess when all is done and considered, she's been one rare individual from the online world who's been true, without pretensions, without expectations, and wants to keep the friendship going. Theres never a need to worry about "wayangs" i.e. play-acting, or hidden agendas. We keep in touch because we want to be friends. We've met each others' families. Wonderful parents she has.
So, am reminded, its not all dark and gloomy in the online world. Nice people are around. And these are people whom you dont need to worry that one fine day the person you think is wonderful, turns out to be a monster, or a manipulating creature. Will always wish her well in her life, particularly at this period when she's about to sit for a crucial professional exam. Hope she gets through it and goes on to have a succesful career. This lady deserves it.
Its the end of wednesday. Another hectic day at office. There is uncertainty now. Its unjust how some are in this world. How discriminative things are. Youre rarely judged by the work you produce, but by the "foreign-ness" of the name of your organisation. Just have a foreign affiliation or add a "mat salleh" name to your company's name, and youve practically made it in Malaysia. But when you look at the people behind them, its the same locals producing about the same work as you and i. Its sad how a book is judged by its cover.
While on this, its disgusting a particular organisation which is an multinational financial institution which has a tagline that in so-much of words says its our friendly local friend, refuses to accept services of equally qualified firms. Perhaps its the local-ness of these firms' names. Yet they have the cheek to ask we bend the rules and participate in undercutting of professional fees. Such arm-twisting is getting to be too common nawadays. Makes one wonder when the authorities especially the Central Bank will step in and demand that everything is above board to ensure the impartiality of all parties offering professional services.
Digressing, but i must say the ad for peugeot where the guy transforms his volks to the shape of a peugeot was superb. Definitely creative and eye-catching, not to mention witty.
Another thought crossed the mind. Over the years its apparent its not all that rosy over here. There has seemed to be a glaring lack of sensitivity towards the minorities. There is tremendous expectation for the minority to be highly sensitive towards the majority, but sadly its never reciprocated. In almost every facet of life, while most of the minority would be sensitive towards the feelings and culture of the majority, almost always when things are done by the majority hardly a thought is given to the sensitivities of the former. Someone said a very blunt thing to the Education Minister in the papers today. Dont insult the intelligence of the public. A matriculation system of examination can never equal to the nightmarish STPM exams which cover 1.5 years of syllabus in a single 2 to 3 week exam. The former though would have coursework and assignments which contribute to part of their marks. Even after the outcry last year, we are still going through the same problems this year. Its a simple problem with an even simpler solution. Ensure everyone sits for the STPM, since its of high standards. Then, its an even playing field. Why create situations where the best brains in the country are forced to move out of the country and never return. At the end of the day, wouldnt all of us want the best brains of the country staying within and contributing towards the improvement of this country???
Tuesday, July 08, 2003
Life's a roller coaster ride. The highs and lows able to overwhelm one beyond imagination. A productive morning, with much work cleared, yet theres more to go through. Indulged in a 2 hour lunch to catch up with old friends. Fancy meeting someone last met briefly almost 10 years ago or thereabout. His thoughts on the state of the country and its administrators, its people... its hauntingly true. Its scary. Scarier is whats the situation likely to be in the years to come. For a country so blessed with resources and opportunities, we're cursed with obstacles. The narrow-mindedness and insensitivity that pervades, will only result in bigger problems in future. The environment i left behind in the virtual world, is nothing compared to the obstacles in real life.
On the personal front, its becoming apparent to me, finally i guess, that am beginning to or have already lost a very good friend. Its like grasping running water from the tap. Trying to catch a handful, and not getting anything at all. There has been no reply to the email sent. No responses. No replies. No messages. A relationship where only one party is actively trying to keep it going, is not a friendship. Friendships should be like the act of making love, its a two way thing. Both parties need to work on it. Errr perhaps that was a bad analogy. Wouldnt want my male friends to think of me as a love partner ..LOL. When its apparent, its only one, then one has to make the painful decision to back away and remain in the sidelines. Perhaps fade away for good, to be forgotten. That would be the gentlemanly thing to do.
Perhaps a game of squash tonight would do the trick. Running like mad, and hitting a ball time and again against the wall, should be good for the mind. Calls made, and its confirmed tonight. Looking forward to it.
On the personal front, its becoming apparent to me, finally i guess, that am beginning to or have already lost a very good friend. Its like grasping running water from the tap. Trying to catch a handful, and not getting anything at all. There has been no reply to the email sent. No responses. No replies. No messages. A relationship where only one party is actively trying to keep it going, is not a friendship. Friendships should be like the act of making love, its a two way thing. Both parties need to work on it. Errr perhaps that was a bad analogy. Wouldnt want my male friends to think of me as a love partner ..LOL. When its apparent, its only one, then one has to make the painful decision to back away and remain in the sidelines. Perhaps fade away for good, to be forgotten. That would be the gentlemanly thing to do.
Perhaps a game of squash tonight would do the trick. Running like mad, and hitting a ball time and again against the wall, should be good for the mind. Calls made, and its confirmed tonight. Looking forward to it.
Monday, July 07, 2003
who can deny the joy it brings, when you find that special person..youre flying without wings
you find it in the deepest friendships.. the kind you cherish all your life
and when you know how much that means, you found that special thing, youre flying without wings........ (Yes, will cherish some friendships for the rest of my life)
but for me, its waking up beside you... to watch the sunrise off your face (wish i could wake up before you one day :) )...to know i can say I Love You...any given time or place...its the little things that only i know, those are the things that make you mine.. and its the flying without wings, cos youre my special thing, am flying without wings
the song just lifts the spirits.
you find it in the deepest friendships.. the kind you cherish all your life
and when you know how much that means, you found that special thing, youre flying without wings........ (Yes, will cherish some friendships for the rest of my life)
but for me, its waking up beside you... to watch the sunrise off your face (wish i could wake up before you one day :) )...to know i can say I Love You...any given time or place...its the little things that only i know, those are the things that make you mine.. and its the flying without wings, cos youre my special thing, am flying without wings
the song just lifts the spirits.
Start of a chaotic Monday that came after a weekend that ended too fast. In office late, as usual. Rather spend an hour with the kids in the morning, then to rush to work to face a mountain of files on the table.
Its all too easy for me to get worked up. Why cant people take their work seriously. (Naturally, me spending time online doesnt count). Why cant typists concentrate on their work. Its just a matter of reading whats written, and re-producing the text. The only creativity required being to format the document in a structured and presentable manner. Why am i online now? After an hour of vetting reports, i decided i needed a break, or else i was going to lose my temper. When one sticks one's neck out each time one puts one's signature on a report or letter, one cant help but have anxiety attacks every now and then. Had just signed a report, and realised there was an ommision. Something that i had corrected at the draft stage of the report, was not acted upon. Sigh. Another near miss.
It has crossed my mind all too often nowadays. Is it luck that most contemporaries in this line of work seem to have the same problem of not having a good assistant whom you could trust to make sure whatever that ends on your table is of a certain level, with minimum mistakes. Whereas our superiors of yesteryears had the benefit of having us, why is it we dont seem to be able to enjoy that benefit. Every single one who has spent years seem to just move on. There is a major shift happening. Gone are the days young ones would want to learn and grow with the firm. Most would just move on at the first opportunity.
Hurray, Mr Woods won again. Another great score on fantasy golf. Position has improved only slightly to 604 in the world now, and only 5 points behind Masters, the leader of Hogan's group.
Time to clear reports on table.
Its all too easy for me to get worked up. Why cant people take their work seriously. (Naturally, me spending time online doesnt count). Why cant typists concentrate on their work. Its just a matter of reading whats written, and re-producing the text. The only creativity required being to format the document in a structured and presentable manner. Why am i online now? After an hour of vetting reports, i decided i needed a break, or else i was going to lose my temper. When one sticks one's neck out each time one puts one's signature on a report or letter, one cant help but have anxiety attacks every now and then. Had just signed a report, and realised there was an ommision. Something that i had corrected at the draft stage of the report, was not acted upon. Sigh. Another near miss.
It has crossed my mind all too often nowadays. Is it luck that most contemporaries in this line of work seem to have the same problem of not having a good assistant whom you could trust to make sure whatever that ends on your table is of a certain level, with minimum mistakes. Whereas our superiors of yesteryears had the benefit of having us, why is it we dont seem to be able to enjoy that benefit. Every single one who has spent years seem to just move on. There is a major shift happening. Gone are the days young ones would want to learn and grow with the firm. Most would just move on at the first opportunity.
Hurray, Mr Woods won again. Another great score on fantasy golf. Position has improved only slightly to 604 in the world now, and only 5 points behind Masters, the leader of Hogan's group.
Time to clear reports on table.
Sunday, July 06, 2003
End of a saturday. And the start of sunday has been another low point. Am at home, everyone is asleep. Its a silent night. Been a tiring day. The lower back is hurt. Its moments like this, wished i was shorter. The kids have been a joy to be with. Seeing their smiles and laughs, an instant relief. Looking around, a pile of files from office that needs attention. Will make an effort to go through them later.
Time to lighten up. I have never been good at handling breakdowns in close friendships. And there has hardly been any close friendships. Three of them, one slowly recuperating in a casual manner after years of silence. The other, now, drifting further apart as the days pass by. A third one, still going strong. Someone who keeps in touch, and enjoy each others' company. Chatted once, and met almost the same day i think. And we've been good friends since. In the meantime, i've had 2 daughters, and she's married.
I must save something here. A general observation on the chat rooms, particularly Kuala Lumpur global chat. Here goes.
1. Hello and its different variations incl. salam, is the most frequently used words on chat
2. The number of "hello" one gets upon entering a chat room, contrary to popular belief, is NOT indicative of how popular the person is.
3. Its a free world. Everyone is entitled to say or type whatever they wish. Therefore it should not be proper to chase away anyone. This would include flooders and booters.
4. Everyone however has the right to ignore anyone they please for whatever reason.
5. Everyone has the right to curse and swear at anyone they please.
6. In most cases when it comes to women, the older they get, the younger they pretend they are :)) The same with guys? Am not so sure about that.
7. The new guy in chat, will hit on every female ID or every ID which he cant comprehend whether theyre male or female
8. The new chatter will believe every single thing another chatter says. There are exceptions though. Some believe every gossip they hear, regardless how absurd it is.
9. The longer one is in chat, the more one realises, its mostly a drama (play acting)
out there.
11. Most women, esp. the aunties, want everyone to agree with whatever they say. To disagree and critic, would be a great sin, resulting in tantrums and bitching around for ages
12. Taking into 11 of the above, some will be very outspoken, to the point they wont give a damn about what others feel or think. Unless of course, the others are paying that someone's bills
13. A big number of people there do have sleeping disorders.
Now, done it. Its past 2am here.
Why do i stay online for long? Golf is on, and Mr Woods just stretched his lead to 6 strokes, and he's only at the 6th hole in his third round. Weir and Verplank in 3rd and 4th respectively. Would be great if they could maintain till end of day. Am at position 665 out of 265,313 taking part in the yahoo fantasy golf game. Hoping to break into the top 50. Wishful thinking, but what the heck. Need such distractions in life. Cant wait for EPL to start.
Signing off for now.
Time to lighten up. I have never been good at handling breakdowns in close friendships. And there has hardly been any close friendships. Three of them, one slowly recuperating in a casual manner after years of silence. The other, now, drifting further apart as the days pass by. A third one, still going strong. Someone who keeps in touch, and enjoy each others' company. Chatted once, and met almost the same day i think. And we've been good friends since. In the meantime, i've had 2 daughters, and she's married.
I must save something here. A general observation on the chat rooms, particularly Kuala Lumpur global chat. Here goes.
1. Hello and its different variations incl. salam, is the most frequently used words on chat
2. The number of "hello" one gets upon entering a chat room, contrary to popular belief, is NOT indicative of how popular the person is.
3. Its a free world. Everyone is entitled to say or type whatever they wish. Therefore it should not be proper to chase away anyone. This would include flooders and booters.
4. Everyone however has the right to ignore anyone they please for whatever reason.
5. Everyone has the right to curse and swear at anyone they please.
6. In most cases when it comes to women, the older they get, the younger they pretend they are :)) The same with guys? Am not so sure about that.
7. The new guy in chat, will hit on every female ID or every ID which he cant comprehend whether theyre male or female
8. The new chatter will believe every single thing another chatter says. There are exceptions though. Some believe every gossip they hear, regardless how absurd it is.
9. The longer one is in chat, the more one realises, its mostly a drama (play acting)
out there.
11. Most women, esp. the aunties, want everyone to agree with whatever they say. To disagree and critic, would be a great sin, resulting in tantrums and bitching around for ages
12. Taking into 11 of the above, some will be very outspoken, to the point they wont give a damn about what others feel or think. Unless of course, the others are paying that someone's bills
13. A big number of people there do have sleeping disorders.
Now, done it. Its past 2am here.
Why do i stay online for long? Golf is on, and Mr Woods just stretched his lead to 6 strokes, and he's only at the 6th hole in his third round. Weir and Verplank in 3rd and 4th respectively. Would be great if they could maintain till end of day. Am at position 665 out of 265,313 taking part in the yahoo fantasy golf game. Hoping to break into the top 50. Wishful thinking, but what the heck. Need such distractions in life. Cant wait for EPL to start.
Signing off for now.
Friday, July 04, 2003
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than an eternity without it. One."-The City of Angels. Nice quote.
Will I persevere and continue to write? Will I be able to toe the fine line to ensure the privacy of people? I can only pray I will be able to.
Its a start of a weekend. Hope Monday comes late.
Will I persevere and continue to write? Will I be able to toe the fine line to ensure the privacy of people? I can only pray I will be able to.
Its a start of a weekend. Hope Monday comes late.
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