Grief. Finally. It came a-calling. That one emotion which I must admit I had never experienced came a few days back. 14th December will forever now be a day to mark grief. The day i started to tremble and cry out of grief. And it has been going on since. But more in private moments, alone, where no one else notices.

How does one cope. If time was a healer, well i wish time good luck. This was one void in our lives which can never been filled.

Dad was almost perfectly fine by late november. He was gaining weight, and his hemoglobin levels were much much higher. Surprisingly even higher then my brother's. And unfortunately, on hindsight, he finally agreed with what most doctors suggested. That he undergo chemotheraphy to reduce the risk of future infection. He had all along told that he was positive he would be fine and refused to consider such treatment. I told him, it was all up to him. And he was even told he could stop the treatment at any time he felt uncomfortable.

29th November till 4th December were the dates. Earlier, 11th December was Kirtisha's 2nd birthday, and we had a great time at his place. Lots of photos. He had a nice time with my two little ones and my brother's two sons. And in early December, my brother's son celebrated his 4th birthday. By then, he was a bit weak. But he enjoyed the evening.

When he got back from chemo, within a few days, he had constipation followed later with diarhorea. Then he developed light mouth ulcers. His taste buds were failing him a bit. Everyone we knew, told us these were the common symptoms. By the 12th December, he accepted an invitation by some close family friends to attend a prayer session at their place. We were to leave at 630pm that sunday. As usual, i was late to pick him up, arriving around 645pm. For once, that was for the better. His frail cousin sister from singapore, whom we had not met for years, had come to visit him with her daughters and a son-in-law. They spent a good half hour reminiscing the old days.

By the time we arrived at the prayer place, prayers had started. But that presented him with a nice seat, just outside of the house. It allowed him a full view through the windows of the prayer alter and the proceedings within. For a full 2 hours plus, he sat.. and enjoyed each moment. By 10pm plus, prayers had ended. He was happy. He had a meal, and started feeling very cold. The people there tried hard to keep him warm. We rushed him back home and mum made sure he had a hot drink and ate a bit before he retired to bed that night.

It was 13th december the next day. The day none of us, doctors included perhaps, had ever expected to happen that soon.