I am tired.. physically and mentally

This has not been a great year, notwithstanding the wonderful times I've spent with my two beautiful girls. They have been the saving grace. Without them, I would have lost my sanity. Not that there was much there in the first place. At the beginning of the year, reading some horoscopes, there was doom and gloom painted in relationships. I didnt pay much attention to that. But the past few months has been very very difficult for me. I am not able to control the anger and disappointment within. There has been too many unpleasant issues which never seem to disappear.

Where is life headed towards? I have no idea. I cant bear to foresee worst case scenarios. There is emptiness again and again. Do I go into escapism again, like in the late 90s and pay the price. As much as it would be damn interesting, the spirit within just doesnt seem to have the will to do anything. Each day starts and ends. Almost everyday is about the same. D and K's smiles and laughter, and the occasional mischief, about the only spark. The melodramatic me surfaces more regularly. I look at his photo and say within how I feel I have failed.

I am at a loss at times. I have decided not to take up the shares offered to me. Given a bit more time, I would have been able to, but looking at the present issues at hand, I decided to decline. Time will tell if I made a mistake. It doesnt matter now. I need distractions. More time on work. Longer hours here in the office perhaps. Drinking more could be more fun but it wouldnt change a thing. So, its one day at a time. I need to find peace within.

On another note, K has just finished her K2 and will be going to Standard 1 next Jan. D finished second in school in her finals, way way above our initial expectations. Both have grown into different characters. D being the responsible caring type but still hyper sensitive and emotional. K being the playful and mischievious one who is so very ticklish.