2018 is coming to a close

How indeed time has passed. This is still here. Will need to print out and let the kids have a read, and laugh.

Life has thrown many curved balls in my direction. Some have been painful hits. Some have been valuable lessons to be remembered. Being contented alone and comfortable with the choices one makes in life is important. Let others be. Moving away from those who are not worth the time has been quite easy. Doing the right thing and being loyal to the organisation is rarely appreciated. But these are things one do not because one wants to be appreciated, but because that is what needs to be done. It is never about gaining popularity or seeking positions.

So as time passes, one's priorities in life changes further. The next generation needs to be rigorously trained to step up. That itself is a challenge as the need to constantly learn is something many fail to realise.

Almost half a year gone...the rat race goes on

Life is a rush, with hardly moments to savour. When the earlier post was done in January, it was one done after 4 years being away. Now its been another 4 months plus since. The rat race goes on, still on a frantic pace.

When at one moment we felt as though 2012 went by just like that, suddenly part of 2013 itself is gone. The market has gone mad, in that it has transformed into a casino. If at one time last year I wrote to an economist that speculation is bad, now I am even more convinced the need to enhance regulation and to save humankind from the excessive greed of uncontrolled capitalism. While the authorities seem to say the property sector is not a key sector in this southern region, it is unfortunately the prime focus of much money.

The rest of the year is expected to be challenging. Very challenging. Demand is still very strong. Interest rates still low.

The kids are older now, in standard 6 and 5. Another phase of life. Another set of challenges as parents. I am very proud of them, of who they have turned out to be and what they are achieving in their lives.

Off to bed, an early drive to KL.

Now now now... whoa... its been like 4 years. It just crossed my mind, I had forgotten all about this blog. Its been a roller coaster ride since then. Its a brand new year. Hope its a good one; all signs show it should be a good one.

From Kit.- DAP and Malay rights

Interesting read. I cant find any fault in his thinking.

http://blog.limkitsiang.com/2008/11/19/insinuation-of-pr-secret-agreement-on-malay-special-rights-baseless-mischievous-and-unworthy-of-a-professional-journalist/

As far Malay special rights, I declared the DAP’s stand on Article 153 in my first speech in Parliament on February 23, 1971, where I said:

“The DAP has also been accused of opposing special rights for Malays. We again invite the government to produce a single instance from our speeches and statements to show that we have opposed efforts to raise the economic standards of living of Malays.

“As democratic socialists, we are dedicated to the abolition of poverty and economic backwardness regardless of race. We want to create a classless community of Malaysians based on fellowship, co-operation and service, where there is no exploitation of man by man, class by class or race by race.

“We support any measure which will help better the lot of the Malay poor. But we are strongly opposed to the use of Malay special rights to enrich the new Malay rich to make them richer, while the mass of peasantry and poor are exploited as ever.”

In my first speech in Parliament more than 37 years ago, I stressed that the basic problem in Malaysia was an economic and class one, and not a racial problem.

I warned: “Any attempt to impose racial theories and solutions to basically socio-economic problems of the have-nots is dangerous as it will pit one race against another, which must culminate in a racial holocaust. It will also be founded on the monstrous falsehood that all the haves in Malaysia are non-Malays, while the Malays are the have-nots.”

Those who are interested to know more of what I said in Parliament in that first debate after the lifting of 21-month suspension of Parliament following the May 13 riots should look up my first book, “Time Bombs in Malaysia” published in 1978 or wait for a 30-year Reprint expected by the end of the year.

I am tired.. physically and mentally

This has not been a great year, notwithstanding the wonderful times I've spent with my two beautiful girls. They have been the saving grace. Without them, I would have lost my sanity. Not that there was much there in the first place. At the beginning of the year, reading some horoscopes, there was doom and gloom painted in relationships. I didnt pay much attention to that. But the past few months has been very very difficult for me. I am not able to control the anger and disappointment within. There has been too many unpleasant issues which never seem to disappear.

Where is life headed towards? I have no idea. I cant bear to foresee worst case scenarios. There is emptiness again and again. Do I go into escapism again, like in the late 90s and pay the price. As much as it would be damn interesting, the spirit within just doesnt seem to have the will to do anything. Each day starts and ends. Almost everyday is about the same. D and K's smiles and laughter, and the occasional mischief, about the only spark. The melodramatic me surfaces more regularly. I look at his photo and say within how I feel I have failed.

I am at a loss at times. I have decided not to take up the shares offered to me. Given a bit more time, I would have been able to, but looking at the present issues at hand, I decided to decline. Time will tell if I made a mistake. It doesnt matter now. I need distractions. More time on work. Longer hours here in the office perhaps. Drinking more could be more fun but it wouldnt change a thing. So, its one day at a time. I need to find peace within.

On another note, K has just finished her K2 and will be going to Standard 1 next Jan. D finished second in school in her finals, way way above our initial expectations. Both have grown into different characters. D being the responsible caring type but still hyper sensitive and emotional. K being the playful and mischievious one who is so very ticklish.

Of fave songs..

One of fave songs for the past few months..... I keep listening in the car...

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

I love you
I've loved you all along
I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of Hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know

That I love you
I loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'd never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
So far away
Far away for far too long
So far away
So far away
Far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
I love you
I loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me,and never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me never let me go

Keep breathing
Hold on to me, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me, never let me go

Nickelback, Far Away

And the all time fave would still be:

If a picture paints a thousand words,
then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show,
the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when, my love, for life is running dry,
You come, and pour, yourself, on me.

If a man could be two places at one time I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.

If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you,
and when the world was through,
Then one, by one, the stars would all go out
And you, and I, would simply fly away
David Gates: If

This comes a close second:

Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling christmas eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve

She didn’t recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried.

We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totalled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged.

We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn’t find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

She said she’d married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn’t like to lie.

I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn’t sure if I saw
Doubt or gratitude.

She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another ’auld lang syne’...

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away.

Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain --

Dan Fogelberg
Same Old Lang Syne

Yup. I can be very mushy mushy beneath the tough shell.

Some quotes

"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel", Maya Angelou, The Rotarian magazine 9/2008.

"Death at a Funeral" is a gem of a comedy movie. The following was said at the end...

' My father was an exceptional man. He may not have been the perfect man but he was a good man. And he loved us. All I wanted to do today was to give him a dignified send-off. Maybe he had done things he liked to do. Life isn't simple. Its complicated. We're all thrown in here together in a world full of chaos and confused , a world full of questions and no answers. Death always lingering around the corner. '

'And we do our best. We can only do our best and my dad did his best. He always tried to tell me that you have to go for what you want in life, because you never know how long you've gonna be here. And whether you succeed or fail, the most important thing is to have tried. '

'A parent can only guide you in the right direction. In the end, you have to learn for yourself. You have to grow up yourself. So when you all leave here today, I would like you to remember my father for who he really was.'

'A decent loving man. If only we could be as giving and as generous and as understanding as my father was, then the world would be a far better place.'

Yes, its not a perfect write. A bit corny here and there. It was a send-off by a son horrified to find out during the funeral his dad had an affair with a male midget. Disregard the comedy of it all. The words brought back memories.

I am naive

I am many things. Short tempered, nice, angry, unforgiving, generous, I could go on (stop me..stop me... ). Am not in self-denial (almost all of the time). Failing to get my butt off the chair and do my medical checkup, thinking that I am in perfect health, isnt self-denial. I think I am in good health.

But, I am also naive. Naive to think that the right people will always do all the right things always. That people holding positions of authority will act fearlessly, impartially, as custodians of the trust given.

Two months ago, I shot off an email enquiring why a certain project was undertaken by a professional body ( who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons). This professional body wanted to present awards to top achievers of certain public school exams. However, no mention was made in their literature on the amount, the number of awards nor the criteria for assessing the achievment. Nor whether it was going to be a yearly affair. Perhaps because the financial state of the body was healthy nobody thought about these issues. The awards however was restricted solely on members of the body.

All nominations were supposed to be sent within a few days to a person within the committtee.

The function went on, 3 awards given and now its been 2 months and there has been no reply.

It seems, about RM50 was given to each student. Now, personally, I thought RM50 wasnt a big deal. Small amount for fairly well-to-do members/parents. Perhaps the RM50 would have been a major bonus for a poor high achiever. I was also told the two of the kids had a parent sitting in the committee. One of whom received and compiled the nominations. All these info surfaces, after I had sent my first email.

Now, I regret sending the email. And regret sending a reminder earlier today on why theres been no reply for two months. It is moments like this that I feel the crab in me wanting to go sit quietly under a coconut shell or rock, and watch the world pass by.

On a lighter note, two straight nights at Cabana last weekend! It was fun. To just stand there and feel the vibrations (and secondary smoke). To just not think of anything. To just listen to the music. It was a nice escape from the real world.

Old timer sex :)

Old Timer Sex

This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an Electric Fence.'

Swirling emotions

Is this a new phase in life. There is much more extremes in the emotions that swirl within over the past few months. Much has been happening, as usual. For a while, I am but a bystander. But the juggling act has been going on for far too long. Peace within is a rarity. Is this all about choices in life. I have to work this out myself, I guess.

The company is undergoing a change of name. A major event, after 28 years of existence. So much to do. The notices should be out next week, I guess, once the official approvals are out. Life will go on, and things should be better in the years to come.

On the social front, I joined this particular organisation a couple of years back, and am now having doubts whether this is where I belong. And this is the second time in a space of 2 months these doubts have creeped in.

I keep reminding that perfection is but an ideal that I can only dream of. To let things be and taking a day at a time is something I will have to accept.

On a lighter note, its been 2 weeks since I went to the gym and its showing. Doesnt help that puasa month has started and am entertaining clients at buka puasa spreads!! Resisting temptations has never been one of my strengths.

Time to clear the backlog. Sigh.